If you've been benching your electronic bedmate for those nights when your living, breathing, human partner isn't around, it might be time to change up your game and let your fave sex toy in on all the action. Sex toys are a fun way to mix things up in (and outside of) the bedroom and heighten intimacy with your S.O. by trying something new and exciting together.
Fingers, mouths, and genitals can obviously go far when used effectively, but the massive amount of vibrators, sex toys, and fun accessories can also open up new doors to massive amounts of pleasure. "Toys are a great asset to increase arousal," says Dr. Jenni Skyler, PhD, certified sex therapist and resident sexologist at Adam & Eve. "It’s kind of like, you can make a fire with flint. But if you have some gas lighter, it’s going to go a little more smoothly for you." Noted.
Of course, bringing a toy into partner play for the first time can be a bit intimidating, especially if you're not sure how your other half might react. Skyler notes that if you're nervous about having that conversation, you're not the only one. "It's a very vulnerable switch," she says. "A lot of people are embarrassed to use a toy with a partner because they typically have been sold and marketed as a masturbation aid. It takes courage to say, 'This is my bedside best friend, and it’s an awesome asset to our sex lives because it helps me, [which] helps us.'"
To get that convo started, Liz Klinger, women’s sexual health expert and founder of Lioness, suggests the obvious: "Gauge their reaction first, talk about it, and then make a decision." But, realize "there’s a chance they may not want a sex toy, and that’s fine, too," she adds. "There are plenty of other ways to explore and be intimate together."
But if they ARE into it (yay!), it's time to go shopping. As much as you may want to surprise your partner with your latest haul, getting input on what they'd like will help make sure the toy gets proper, uh, usage. Together, decide what your needs/wants are, what kind of arousal you're trying to increase, and how much you're willing to spend.
You also shouldn't limit yourself to toys labeled as "couples' toys" at retailers, says Skyler. Take it from an expert: "If it’s used with two people, it can be a couple’s sex toy—even if both people aren’t experiencing the benefit of the toy. Because the relationship is experiencing the benefits of the toy."